So I left out option. f) I’m suffering from a minor health problem. I wasn’t just certifiably insane or hypochondrical. I went to the doctor last week and I have gastritus: irritation of the stomach lining causing nausea and bloating, usually brought on by chronic worrying. 
The doc gave me some drugs that I have to take for a few months (at least), and she ordered me to give up carbonated drinks, spicy foods, and chocolate (which means no more Dr. Pepper, Bajio, or Snickers, at least for awhile….so not fair). So I’m not dying, but I wasn’t perfect either. I’m supposed to be mostly better soon, but it takes awhile for the stomach lining to heal so I still have to tread lightly when it comes to food for the next few months. The pills are definitely helping…I’m no longer sustaining life on my usual afternoon cocktail of Pepcid, Tums, and Mylanta. Now I’m basically just driving my boyfriend crazy begging for a coke every time we eat out!